"..just when the caterpillar thought the world was over

it became a butterfly.."

Reanimation Room

I finally realized what’s been ticking me off these last 3 days…
It’s that bitter taste one gets only after being used.
It’s part of who we are to use one another…
Either for material benefits
or merely emotional.
Using something or someone in its favor is what human nature succeeds at.
Makes me sick though…
To know that everyone around me keeps using each other
for whatever reason they can find.

Reached a point in which I almost don’t mind my problems
almost forgetting they exist,
cause few or practically none care enough, genuinely,
to want to do something, anything that would actually help.
So why do I always have to be this reanimation room…
The one nobody remembers ever being in,
or even its existence
until the next relapse…

It’s frustrating, that in end, we’re all alike
and there’s very little to do in order to prevent someone from using us,
and we ourselves from doing it to someone else…

to.be.continued. JeSykah.

[13.07.08]

DEEP SHADOWS AND BRILLIANT HIGHLIGHTS

"DEEP SHADOWS AND BRILLIANT HIGHLIGHTS"

EPILOGUE

What I write may not make sense, most of my thoughts dont.

How I feel may not be well accepted by many

It doesnt matter,

what I know is what I believe in

And even having my better judgment clouded by this State,

I fight for what I want.

I fight against what is disposable.

And in the end,
we all wake up every morning
wishing we layed beneath a different sky,
living a different life
Closing our eyes at the end of the day
yearning for that same change
we badly yearned the day before....

...Clarity is what we need.

{ 29.06.08 }

{ Metamorphosis } (all over again)

I probably need to stop…

Take another breath, and just think.

I’m guessing I must come to an exact understanding of what is happening to me

before I lose my complete sense of direction.

I came back different.

I came back wanting and caring about different matters…

I feel like I’m trapped in my own shell (and I know I probably am…),

Surrounded by things I no longer recognize or relate to.

Every joke, any talk or event seems completely banal,

No longer creating that same effect on me as it used to a month ago…

No one really notices it, lives are just so filled with issues

so futile and transitory as the little grains of sand on the beach…

Futile. Ordinary. Non-captivating.

That’s how everything seems to me now

I know not if its caused by you,

strange distant presence that I now crave

More than anything else

Or if its just that time to leave…

Move on. To bigger things…

To some other place where life has more meaning

than here in a single pathetic weekend.…

Change…

it isn’t always for the best…

But it can’t be worse that being caught up

in the same old “this”.

[.by.MJ.20.01.08.]

Silently Still. Stop The Rollercoaster.

How can I ever sit still

when my life is constantly whirl-winding

through emotions that I control but fail to understand...

?

Feeling.the.Butterflies.

"Far Away
I feel you from far away
and I see you in my mind each day
All we could share if this came true
Its whats im feeling
My dream it seems so far away
And time wont take this feelin
All those moment that we shared
and all the things I felt you
Its what Im feeling " [♪]

.perfect song.perfect.timing.

Out of Words.

" I've sat here doing my best
To describe feelings in words
but there are only so many words
only so many ways to describe how I feel
though the feelings are endless

I've done my best to express
but my best isn't good enough
one day I hope to be able to make it clear to him
but words won't suffice

He will never know how strongly I feel
how badly I want it to happen
how much it would mean to me to hold him

Even if I told him every second of every day from now until it happened
He still couldn't fathom how much I care

Sometimes I wonder to myself why I do care so much
just what it is that makes me kill myself over him
that makes it so that I can't get him out of my head
but it doesn't matter

I wouldn't dare question something
That makes me so happy "

[ Loved this text.. ]