Friday, August 31, 2007

Still....


Still Crowding My Space Are The Things I Still Hold Agaisnt...Him.
I Didnt Realize How Much Damage...You Did.
By Loving You I Unwillingly Sentenced Myself
To Not Be Able To Love
Anyone Else So Deeply...
Even After I Stopped Loving You.

I Dont Blame Myself,
I Had My Heart In The Right Place The Whole Time,
I Blame You For Letting Me Do It..
For so Long.
When You Knew You Would Never Make Me Happy.




.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

.Imagine||Artificial.



Need To leave...
Need To breathe and feel
Like Im not the only one..
Having a hard time just existing.











{Major Break}








.




















.Watch Carefully As I Turn My Back...And Walk The Hell Away.

.Too Many Miles In the Wrong Way.
.

.Free Fall/No Parachute.
.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Look.
Listen.
Smell.
Taste.
Touch.
Feel.
Think.
Be.







Being Genuinely Human Isnt Such Hard When Your Mind Is In The Right Place.


FlashBack II


I knew you..
You were the closest male version of me in so many ways.
I remember the nights we both almost fell asleep on the phone
Talking and laughing. Sometimes even singing.
We knew the next night we'd be doing the exact same thing
and it was the best feeling in the world.
Being with you was part of my everyday..
listening to music in the back seat of your car,
acting silly in the shower, after making each other whole...
Fooling around and taking pix on the beach under the moonlight.
The kisses, the laughs, the moments, the talks, the looks,
the breaks, the fights, the make-ups, the songs, the plans

Chemistry. Trust. Cumplicity. Commitment. Love.
For one year you let me think it was a mutual feeling,
when it was something only I felt, since the beginning
You just wanted it all, someone most of your 'friends' craved but would never have,
Because that someone had eyes only and exclusively for you
Because noone ever loved you so unconditionally
and noone ever will.

Its all passed us now,
I dont even know you anymore
Perfect strangers. And Im truly happy that way.
I dont wish you bad things..but I dont exactly wish you well
You're not really worthy anyway.

If for a second you seemed like a good person at heart,
it was because you had my Love....

No Longer Existent.
Just as you are to me.




10.08.07

Monday, August 6, 2007

05.08.07


I put the weight of my highest expectations on you..
I shouldnt, takes almost the patience of a divine entity of some sort
To exceed or accomplish them with triumph..
from my point of view.
I dont wish to push you away demanding more than you can afford to give so soon
But I cant receive less than what I need to feel safe either.
Not at this point..especially not with you.
I dont know if you get me, but then again,
I dont know if I get you anyway lol
But I want to.
I dont know how or why,dont ask me
But I want to.
I just want to.
I want you..
whatever that might mean..















.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

I feel overwhelmed by the weight the past still has on both of us..differently
I never tend to back away from a challenge
But I dont just start a war,
to fight for something I dont even know what it is,
For something I dont even know if I'll get for sure
I hate losing..I believe I never truly do
but this isnt a game nor a competition..
So I wont play along,
I wont react. No, I wont attack.
I'll leave that to third parties,
who'll waste their arsenal way before I even think about using mine,
In stupid little attempts to reign over something
They have little jurisdiction upon these days.
I'll be silent. I'll be patient.

I'll be here. I'll be me...

Cause thats the only best thing I can ever be.
Hopefully you'll see.
01.08.07