" If I spoke my words differently

If I change my tune to your favorite song
Would you wrap your heart around me

Would that make you love me.." [♪]

.

"Uma vez feita a escolha, é preciso seguir em frente,
sem pensar no caminho que se deixou de percorrer "

" Se as coisas não andam, só existem duas explicações:
Ou a sua perserverança está a ser testada,
Ou você deve mudar de rumo... "

( Ive changed path so many times

that Im running out of ground..to walk on.. )

Steps To the End.

"Steps to the end

I know them well
Are you going to be ready for the fall?

Will someone catch you on your way down?

Or will your soul bounce when you hit the ground?

These answers you may not know

I know that even if you dont want to you will cushion my fall

It makes me smile to know that I sold you my soul

Because now I know that mine will be a soft landing..."

.

This is me

I wish I wasnt bitter.
Wish I could be myself
without having doubts towards others
without having to put my war face on
so I dont get hurt

Tired of being cold,
always in fear of another deception or perhaps rejection.
I wouldnt want to be alone,
and face all lifes challenges without a hand
I could hold on to
or a heart commited to me to reach out for

I wana be whole,

I wana be loved

Purely...intensively.

Doubt and fearlessly
And trust, hope, believe in me,

that im not bitter.

03.12.07 MJ

ReaLity Bites.

They day my fortress falls

You'll be the one the first brick hits..

Rather then going down below...

I chose to go to higher ground.

" Volta Ou vai embora meu amor...
Sem ameaças

Ensaiadas na frente do espelho
O caminho mais fácil

Nem sempre é melhor
Que o da Dor..." [♪]

(Cant seem to get this song out of my head...)

"It seems like I woke up

Beneath a different sky

And I'm drunk on what I'm seeing

Through these open eyes

All the little ways you move me

All the places you expose

The illusion I held onto

You've got me letting go

I just wanna stay here

Soaking up the rain

Falling all around me

Wash the world away
Live, like it's the last moon rising

Scream, just like no one's there

Lose all of my defenses

Hold you, touch you, love you

Like it's the very last moment in time
Let me feel you next to me

Let me taste the breath you breathe

Open up the space between us....." [♪]

Today I put on that black top...

Havent wore it since those days.

It somehow kept your scent with it

Have no idea why,

maybe its just my silly imagination playing tricks on me once again.

Just know it was enough to make me wonder..

Wonder why 'perfection' lead to deception

And a major one.

I miss that 'perfection', that whole idea of completeness

that I felt because of you.

But something else came to me

I realized its not about you..it never was.

I dont miss you. I dont want you back

But I do miss the sense my being made

Just by having someone like you around.
The reason one had to wake up everyday,

and always expect something different.

It was never about you, nor who you were,

It was about the presence,

it was about the key piece of the puzzle you somehow got to represent

That I never had in my life before...

It was about having someone to smile to and for,

Someone present in all those moments no one else was capable of being

Its about really connecting
and really knowing what ones about.

Almost hurting like hell some days now thats gone,

when you come to realize...

you just might never find something quite like that.

Maybe as good or even better...but never quite like that.

14.11.07 MJ

[ Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect,

it means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections ]

Love/Romance and all that jazz...........

Do you know it..?

Do you have it in you...?

Why do ppl want it so much anyway...?!

"...There's enough for everyone,

But I'm still waiting in line......." [♪ ]

"...Porque en tu mar voy naufragando y yo no sé...
No sé Si conviene estar nadando
O es mejor dejarse ir al fondo....

.Cariño mio que puedo hacer
No me resigno a estar asi
Por eso yo que te amo
Vivo implorando
Ayudame y te destruiré..." [♪]

[I wana let go...cause I know, you might just let me....]

NO TE AMO.

.
No te amo como si fueras rosa de sal,
topacio o flecha de claveles que propagan el fuego:

te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras,

secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma.

.

Te amo como la planta que no florece

y lleva dentro de sí, escondida, la luz de aquellas flores,

y gracias a tu amor vive oscuro en mi cuerpo

el apretado aroma que ascendió de la tierra.

.
Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde,

te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo:

así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera,
sino así de este modo en que no soy ni eres,

tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mía,

tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueño.

.Pablo neruda.

[I wasnt lookin for nobody when u looked my way....]

Abandon Ship II

Navegar imensos mares num navio cujo casco
já apresenta um rombo é proeza demasiado arriscada..
Para quem já conhece a contínua malícia das ondas.

Não me atrevo a pegar no leme,
E enfrentar as sempre presentes futuras tempestades do passado
Porque por mais que tente, elas sempre persistirão
Mais fortes que a minha habilidade.
Mais evidentes que a minha força de vontade,
Porque é a única.

Não me atrevo a continuar à deriva,
Sem ter a certeza de que as velas se içarão caso pretenda manter-me a bordo...
Não pretendo continuar a deixar o vento e o acaso
velejar a minha frota de emoções num mar desconhecido..

The journey ends here.
No messages in a bottle, no life vests, no signal fire....

Im abandoning ship.
I was never meant to be aboard it anyways..........



[30.10.07] MJ

O Arco E A Flecha

"O arco é a vida: dele vem toda a energia.
A flecha irá partir um dia.

O alvo está longe.
Mas sua vida permanecerá sempre com você,

e é preciso saber cuidá-la.
.

Precisa de períodos de inação, pois um arco que sempre está armado, em estado de tensão, perde sua potência.

Portanto, aceite o repouso para recuperar sua firmeza:

assim, quando você esticar a corda, estará com sua força intacta.
.

O arco não tem consciência.

Ele é um prolongamento da mão e do desejo do arqueiro.

Serve para matar ou para meditar.

Portanto, seja sempre claro em suas intenções.
.

Um arco tem flexibilidade, mas também tem um limite.

Um esforço além da sua capacidade irá quebrá-lo,

ou deixar exausta a mão que o segura.

.

Da mesma maneira, não exija mais do seu corpo do que ele pode lhe dar.

E entenda que um dia a velhice chegará,

e que isto é uma benção, e não uma maldição.
Para manter com elegância o arco aberto,

faça com que cada parte dê apenas o necessário

e não disperse suas energias.

Assim, você poderá disparar muitas flechas sem se cansar."

[Its So damn true...shudnt waste so much time in unimportant matters..]

Plain Cold Reality

So today I realized how much I miss writing

and mostly, feeling.

It's been really busy lately, the possible reason why

I keep forgetting that I need to take a breath once in a while

and allow my being some space to exist.
Instead and in order to not remind myself of the 'bitterest' DETAILS of my life,

I rather not stop..

I cant stop, then life would lose its meaning

Like a machine is designed to execute and reach its creation purpose with clean perfection,

Im compelled to focus just on what should be necessary,

Im done with futilities and its followers...

Cold...But crucial.

I’m required to put myself on top of my priorities

without a second thought...nor looking back

Cause just one little mistake is enough...to bring it all down.

One little mistake, is all it takes to lead to another great fall from grace.

So I dont stop, I dont think, I dont feel..

And if I do, I silence it. I run over it.

cause its so easy to make the wrong move
When you're highly convinced by others or even your ego that it is the right one.

So Dont Stop. Dont Think. Dont Feel.
Im taking no chances...........

10.10.07

Every time they turn the lights down

Just want to go that extra mile for you
You public display of affection
Feels like no one else in the room (but you)

We can get down like there’s no one around
We'll keep on rockin' (We'll keep on rockin')
We'll keep on rockin' (Keep on rockin')
Cameras are flashin' while we're dirty dancin'
They keep watching (They keep watching)
Keep watching

Feels like the crowd is saying
Gimme, Gimme more Gimme, More


A center of attention (Can you feel them?)
Even when we’re up against the wall
You’ve got me in a crazy position
If you're on a mission
You got my permission

We can get down like there’s no one around
We'll keep on rockin' (Keep on rockin')
We'll keep on rockin', rockin'
Cameras are flashin' while we're dirty dancin'
They keep watching (They keep watching)
Keep watching

Feel's like the crowd is saying:
Gimme, Gimme more Gimme, More

I just can’t control myself
Do you want more?
Well, I’m good for more
Give me more, give me more
Give me more, give me more babe
I just want more!

[Appropriate Song..............]

What I want Vs. What Is Right.

I wake up to see different sides of you..

The only problem is I cant seem to make up my mind

about which of them I want........

To keep. Or turn my back on..

Creation's Leftovers.

"Let the cliches fall
From my lips
Like colors upon the wounds
Of the blind
They can neither see
Nor entreat
Those that leave
Their marks, their mars, their scars
But they feel
The gaping red and yellow
As clear as you feel
The movement in your abdomen
Signaling the need
To rid yourself
Of solid impurities

And if we're not here
Than there's nowhere we are
Because you can't taste a soul
You can't touch a spirit
You can't swallow a feeling
Like you'd bite down coins
Hoping to pay the piper
For the gut you lack

You won't fly to heaven
At the end of this road
You'll rot
And your wasted life
As sure as I'm wasting my time
Spilling words like wisdom
When there's little left to know
That anyone would care
To understand

Carpe Vita
As I let it slip
Twist my fingers
Like the slime of a slug
Bound for the salt
My son threw on it
To see what would happen.."

[Interesting..]

...

The Thought of A Good Moment Would Be Soul Fulfilling right about now....

Gunning Down Romance.

Love and other moments are just chemical reactions in your brain And feelings of aggressions are the absence of the love drug in
Your veins
Love come quickly
Because I feel my self-esteem is caving in
It's on the brink

Love come quickly
Because I don't think I can keep this monster in
It's in my skin
Love and other socially acceptable emotions are morphene
They're morphene

Cleverly concealing primal urges often felt but rarely seen
Rarely seen

Love I beg you
Lift me up into that privileged point of view
The world of twoLove don't leave me
Because I console myself that Hallmark cards are true
I really do

I'm gunning down romance
It never did a thing for me
But heartache and misery
Ain't nothing but a tragedy

Love don't leave me

Take these broken wings
I'm going to take these broken wings
And learn to fly
And learn to fly away

I'm gunning down romance

. SavaGe Garden.

A muito custo me identifico com as Mesquinhices

Provocadas, Conscientes ou Involuntárias,

Próprias da Necessidade do Ser Humano

Se sentir "aconchegado" com a Instabilidade

Psicológica dos Demais que o rodeiam.

Porque dessa forma a Sua..

Passa Despercebida............

Reminiscing.

I miss...

The sunlight in my pores

The waves carried in the wind..

I miss the warmth of its touch on my skin

I miss the sand on my toes

I miss seeing what I havent layed eyes on
I miss the sensations I never experimented
I miss the music that was never played to my ears

I miss the kiss we never shared,

The love we never made,

The breath I didnt take...

The words you'll never say...

I miss what Ill lose along the way

I miss those who wont stay
I miss the nights I never slept
The people I never met.

I miss the way I looked...But didnt see.
The way I understood...But couldnt hear.

I miss the footprints I never left...

I miss what I never had..

Im a Human With Flaws.

Take off my shirt, loosen the buttons

And undo my skirt,

stare at myself in the mirror

Pick me apart, piece by piece

Sorrow decrease pressure release

I put in work did more than called upon

I'm more then dessert when it was over

Did I wind up hurt?

yes

But it taught me before a decision ask this question first

Who am i living for?

Is this my limit?

Can I endure some more?

Chances I'm given,

question existing

Who am i living for?

Is this my limit?

Can I endure some more?

Chances I'm given,

question existing

Take off my clothes

Show them that under here

I'm just like you

Do the mistakes I make

Make me a fool

Or a human with flaws

Admit that I'm lost

A round of applause

Take the abuse Sometimes it feels like that they want me to lose

It's entertainment is that an excuse? (noo)

But the question that lingers wether win or lose

Who am i living for?

Is this my limit?

Can I endure some more?

Chances I'm given,

question existing

Who am I living for?

Is this my limit?

Can I endure some more?

Chances I'm given,

question existed

Rihanna.Question Existing

|MisCommuNiCatioN Ended|

[MisCoMmuNiCatioN EnDed. ]

It would just be easier to let go and keep our attitude up and going.
Neither of us would really lose that much,
But would definitely miss out
On what we could gain and enjoy
Together.

{I would hate to miss out on something interestingly good..}

;)

Between Me And You.

The Future Of An IlluSioN.

"Humans are generally hostile to civilization,
which limits our powers of acquisition.

Therefore, civilization must be defended against individuals.

Leaders use coercion to curb human antisocial instincts.

As much as we like to believe our great civilizations rested on the opposite,

people are not inherently fond of work,

and it is impossible to argue against someone’s passions.

Early childhood experiences are crucial,

because they train children to love civilization.

The key to holding civilizations together, then,

is not economics but psychology".


.Sigmund Freud.

Still....

Still Crowding My Space Are The Things I Still Hold Agaisnt...Him.
I Didnt Realize How Much Damage...You Did.
By Loving You I Unwillingly Sentenced Myself
To Not Be Able To Love
Anyone Else So Deeply...
Even After I Stopped Loving You.

I Dont Blame Myself,
I Had My Heart In The Right Place The Whole Time,
I Blame You For Letting Me Do It..
For so Long.
When You Knew You Would Never Make Me Happy.




.

.Imagine||Artificial.

Need To leave...
Need To breathe and feel
Like Im not the only one..
Having a hard time just existing.











{Major Break}

.

.Watch Carefully As I Turn My Back...And Walk The Hell Away.

.Too Many Miles In the Wrong Way.

.

.Free Fall/No Parachute.

.

But If Not...

How Good This Can Turn Out To Be...

Look.

Listen.

Smell.

Taste.

Touch.

Feel.

Think.

Be.

Being Genuinely Human Isnt Such Hard When Your Mind Is In The Right Place.

FlashBack II

I knew you..

You were the closest male version of me in so many ways.

I remember the nights we both almost fell asleep on the phone

Talking and laughing. Sometimes even singing.

We knew the next night we'd be doing the exact same thing

and it was the best feeling in the world.

Being with you was part of my everyday..

listening to music in the back seat of your car,

acting silly in the shower, after making each other whole...

Fooling around and taking pix on the beach under the moonlight.

The kisses, the laughs, the moments, the talks, the looks,

the breaks, the fights, the make-ups, the songs, the plans

Chemistry. Trust. Cumplicity. Commitment. Love.

For one year you let me think it was a mutual feeling,

when it was something only I felt, since the beginning

You just wanted it all, someone most of your 'friends' craved but would never have,

Because that someone had eyes only and exclusively for you

Because noone ever loved you so unconditionally

and noone ever will.

Its all passed us now,

I dont even know you anymore

Perfect strangers. And Im truly happy that way.

I dont wish you bad things..but I dont exactly wish you well

You're not really worthy anyway.

If for a second you seemed like a good person at heart,
it was because you had my Love....

No Longer Existent.

Just as you are to me.

10.08.07

05.08.07

I put the weight of my highest expectations on you..

I shouldnt, takes almost the patience of a divine entity of some sort

To exceed or accomplish them with triumph..

from my point of view.

I dont wish to push you away demanding more than you can afford to give so soon

But I cant receive less than what I need to feel safe either.

Not at this point..especially not with you.

I dont know if you get me, but then again,

I dont know if I get you anyway lol

But I want to.

I dont know how or why,dont ask me

But I want to.

I just want to.

I want you..

whatever that might mean..

.

I feel overwhelmed by the weight the past still has on both of us..differently
I never tend to back away from a challenge
But I dont just start a war,
to fight for something I dont even know what it is,
For something I dont even know if I'll get for sure
I hate losing..I believe I never truly do
but this isnt a game nor a competition..
So I wont play along,
I wont react. No, I wont attack.
I'll leave that to third parties,
who'll waste their arsenal way before I even think about using mine,
In stupid little attempts to reign over something
They have little jurisdiction upon these days.
I'll be silent. I'll be patient.
I'll be here. I'll be me...

Cause thats the only best thing I can ever be.
Hopefully you'll see.
01.08.07

I learn everyday...

Expecting Nothing From People Is Key To a Deception-Free Life

.

Syphony To The Dead.

"Once more i open my eyes,
only to wonder what the world has in store for me today.
will today be my last?.
will i be pushed to the edge?
how much pain can i take before i break?
these questions go unanswered because what we seek can not be seen.
like light to flies, we are attracted to our perpetual sin.
but what is to be expected for mankinds hearts are full of lust,
greed, hate and dark desires.
the pillars of morallity crumble under the weight of fame and fortune.
but all of these words are just music to the dead.
A gorgeous symphony to be heard by those who sleep forever.
what are the few that comprehend this concept?
geniuses beyond wisdom.
and for those that not?
Blind men and women in search for shade in the dark moonless night."



[Great Text I found somewhere...]




.

FlashBack.

Quick moment…a new beginning is on its way.

Don’t know what compelled me to grab a pen and start writing…

Haven’t done it in a while.

It’s late, and it’s precisely in these moments

That I wonder if tomorrow will go any faster than today…

I hope it does.

‘cause it’s in these moments of absence

That I feel you the most

I browse my mind for the tiniest instant of memory of us…

And I crave even more for your warmth

In which my body and soul strangely depend on.

Like any addiction,

I long for the next best dose of your love…

Unaware that I might just never be able to let go, When and if the time comes.

I wouldn’t know…

How to let go… …

Maybe I’ll find an ending for this ‘chapter’ some other night Of my life…

Truth is...I finally did. Let go.

[28.12.06 Jesykah.]

.

Caught In A Moment.

"Spoon-feed my heart and
Drip by drip

I'll take it all

Sip by sip

I guess that it's

Make or break

Boy here and now

Broke through barriers

And passed a state of mind

I'm not scared no more

It feels divine

So take me in

And catch me when I fall

I'm waiting on the edge

Uncut my soul

Snip by snip

I'm oozing it

Bit by bit

I'm taking it

Step by step

Boy here and now"

[Interesting Lyrix.]

I never thought I would..

[These little tickling thoughts

started popping in my head
As I sat on my bed, taking you all in

Funny thing is

I just never thought I would....]

:)

It's time to stop..

Livrei me das coisas desagradáveis na mha vida

e agr finalmente to no caminho certo....


Valeu a pena o compasso de espera...Vale sp.

and think.

I have

I may not possess everything there is..

But I have exactly what I need.

:)

Some quotes i really liked..

If love isnt worth fighting for..

I dont know what is.

Words Dont Mean a thing

Palavras bonitas sao sempre agradaveis de ser ouvidas

E extremamente faceis de serem ditas.

Easier said than done....

Ways To Mend a Broken Heart

Im Tired of thinkin...

do they work?

Truly Inspirational Pt.II

My Loving Artist, May you attain all your Needs,

fulfill all your Desires & Accomplish all your Valued Goals.

Be Simple & LET THINGS GO AS THE DAY GOES.

Do Not Compare Yourself with Anyone nor Compete and Expect from others.

YOU ARE UNIQUE and THE BEST.

Continue to Fulfill your Duties in Life with Love, Courage & Patience.

My Sweet friend, make EFFORT not to GIVE SORROW,

nor to TAKE SORROW from any Soul.

Through the Power of Spirituality

your ATTITUDE will Change

and Then Your VISION Will Change

& Then Finally your WORLD Will also have to CHANGE.

Always Tie the Seat Belt of Determination

and Self Respect and you will always remain Safe and Set.

[Another passage from that deep text someone sent me afew weeks ago..

its great, its what i needed..]

Quando xegamos ao ponto de conseguirmos ser capazes de

dizer à pessoa k amamos, que a odiamos

e a queremos longe de td o que se possa relacionar a nós...
Aí sim, deparo me com a frieza brutal k tomou posse do meu ser.

Sem k eu kisesse...Tlvx não só por culpa tua, i sim também minha
Mas a realidade é essa.

E infelizmente mais nenhuma.

Closed Door. Open Windows.

When God closes one door...

"HE" also opens many other windows..

Through which u can have a glimpse of something new

Outside of what you just 'lost'.

I really like to believe that.

Im looking out, I swear I am..

Never Regret Anythin..

Regret is probably one of the worst psychological pains

A human being can ever feel...

Isnt it?

You better than anyone else should know..

Truly Inspirational...

My Dearest Respected Humble, Forgiving and Peaceful Star Jess,
As we Bravely Run towards the Finishing line of Our Complicated Life,

we often forget to remind each other of our Virtues.

Interestingly, The Supreme Father only sees our qualities and reminds us to let go of our weaknesses.

Out of My Respect for Humanity,

I wanted to share Thoughts of Spiritual Love with you.
I am a Proud Indian, belonging to a Culture which is Rich in Spirituality.

Always know my dear friend, that you are a Unique Soul,

special and Loved by your Family and Friends.

You make them Happy and make their World have Meaning.

So your Role in life is very PURPOSEFUL.

And, with Courage and Enthusiasm you will always Play your Part well.

Be a HERO ACTOR on this Unlimited World Stage, where The Sun,

Moon & Stars are the Lights shining upon you.

God and Humanity are like The Stars of Your Spiritual Constellation

& are Constantly watching over you, Proud of you & Protecting you.
My Determined friend, Life is a Game of Obstacles,

so do not be Disheartened by Life's challenges.

They are Temporary Exams to make you a Better Player,

to enable you to move to a higher class.

Difficulties arise to Challenge your Courage & to Test your Will Power.
My Motivated Champion, if you Reflect back into your Valuable life,

you will See all the Obstacles that you have Crossed.

You are a Much Stronger Person Today because of Earning

& Accumulating All those Valuable Experiences.

Always See The CONTRAST of your PAST and PRESENT.

BE PROUD of All that you have ACHIEVED.

It is no Small Task to Swim through this Ocean called 'LIFE'.

Keep Moving on, Never stand still,

Continue taking the Bold Step of Courage & then GOD Will ALWAYS Help You.

We SOULS are All His SPECIAL BELOVED LOVING CHILDREN.

My friend, IF AT PRESENT YOU LIVE IN THE PAST THEN HOW WILL YOU SEE YOUR BRIGHT FUTURE ?

Always remain a Deep Sea Diver & a Long distance Runner.

Explore the Depths of Experience through The Power of Love, Humilty,

Patience, Enthusiasm & WILL POWER. NEVER Lose HOPE in Yourself.

GOD is Always with You and PROUD of YOU.

[.A text someone I dont even know wrote 4me..

Worth reading. Deep words. thank u.]

Courage, Future, Life, Love, Motivation, Patience

"A ferida ainda n sarou.

Mx vai sarar...

Fica sp cicatriz mx..

Cicatrizes n doem...

So sao lamentadas..."

[Sumthin a friend told me yesterday.

Trying 2 make me understand that time better than anything else,

heals all wounds.

I just have to be patient with myself.]

(not my best virtue...lol)

LOVE Written With Neon Lights...

I always believed Love is vital.

When I was younger,

I used to watch all these movies…
Where “love” was like publicity

Something everyone should be feeling,
Something everyone wanted to be doing.
it seemed good. It was good…at some point in my life.
“Love” was like a hobby…
Finding it wasn’t hard.
We all think we know Love at 14.

No wonder relationships didn’t mean a thing to us at that age…
“love” was just another train

you had to catch in order to not end up stranded

in the same empty station.

“love” seemed easy to me at that time
Easy to get, even easier to forget.
When I turned 17, things became a little different…

“love” wasn’t just “love” anymore… “love” was…LOVE.
Something everyone was doing,
Something only a few were feeling.
It’s good…When it’s real…
How do you know its real?!

You don’t.
you just try hard not to feel it so deeply And then yep…it’s Love.
I then realized that Love is exclusively made.

Some people are sucessful in keeping it…

Others just…struggle with fate’s decision to pick on them…
I’ve decided that, if it finds me… In a few years time,
I’ll run off…and rely on my insensitivity.
And Love won’t be so important to me…
‘Cause this is the last time I’m ever letting my heart free.

Let me make the best out of it.
29.04.07

[Decided that I should start with something more recent.. this poems fits perfectly...]